“A MESSAGE TO THE CUTE KID”- by Alison Grambs

Dear Cute Little Girl Sitting Behind Me on the Bus Yesterday:

You are an idiot. 

I spent 2 1/2 hours listening to you look out the window and say, “Look, Mama! I see cheese!” 

Over and over and over again, yammering on about this supposed “cheese” you were seeing. 

You have no idea how upsetting this was for me. I friggin’ love cheese. Would’ve given anything to see cheese out the window on that bus ride. You had me so damn excited and hopeful. I can’t tell you how many times I actively ceased reading my book just so I could look out the window and observe this amazing “cheese” you kept babbling about. 

Well, honey, I saw cars. I saw trucks. I saw people. I saw buildings. I saw snow. I even saw Big Foot relieving himself on the side of the road. 

But you know what I did not see?


Not a single blessed hunk of gouda. Not one iota of feta. No mozzarella or cheddar to be had for miles. 

So, listen to me carefully…

I do not appreciate being deceived like this. Your careless actions shattered my faith in humanity and have left me reeling with a sense of dismay. Is that how you roll? Who raised you? The Devil himself?

Do me a favor, you cute little thing dressed in your cute purple snow coat. 

The next time you are on a bus, lying to passengers about what’s out there in the landscape, consider whose feelings you are toying with. If you see cheese, by all means, say something. But if you do NOT see cheese? Well, then keep your trap shut and stop playing with people’s lives.

© Copyright 2015 Alison, All rights Reserved. Written For: Alison Grambs

5 Responses to ““A MESSAGE TO THE CUTE KID”- by Alison Grambs”

  1. Bob Rumba says:

    OMG what would you do on a bus going thru Wi. statues of giant cheese, huge mice with cheese , really big bratwurst ,with the World’s Largest 6 pack to wash it all down while a really big moose & Paul Bunyan watch. Paul Bunyan holding his Ax in one hand & Super Size Cheese Wheel in the other. So many cheese places if you went there on a visit you would have so much cheese you’d be like the kid that they make smoke his 1st cigar. When he’s done never wants another. Of course his weight would be the same with a cigar. With cheese he’d be as big as the Wi. statues. So that if you could get enough cheese to that lil girl she would no longer be that little any more would she ? Bawh hahhahahah !…. (Sorry if I mentioned cheese too much I send you some if you want)

  2. Nancy says:

    Chesse wiz now isee cheese

  3. Rick Newman says:

    Alison after 2 and a half hours …. you must have been so FETA up with her!

    (sorry, I just couldn’t help myself)

    We miss you xoxo R&K

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